OK.  So I am watching a movie last night with my significant other, and of course in the movie the leading guy does something stupid.  You know the kind of stupid thing that involves emotions(or lack of them and understanding them) and how it hurts the lead female character in some way.  The kind of thing that if you used common sense and actually cared about the others feelings, that you would not do it, or at least be kinder abou it.  So then after seeing this scene, I make a comment and my "boyfriend" says, and I qoute, "it's a GUY thing, you should expect it".  So this has pissed me off.  Why should it be a "guy thing"?  this is a steroetype that allows every guy out there to fall back on...it gives them an "out" when they are being completely moronic...it allows them to be lazy in relatiopnships, and in understanding and expressing their feelings, because, well, it is expected and allowed because of that stupid little phrase "it's a guy thing".  And we, the female, are expected to let it go, to shrug our shoulders and say oh well....NO goddamnit !  It's NOT a guy thing!!  Step up to the plate assholes and think it through!  I for one will not put up with these "guy" behaviors anymore!  Step up to the plate guys, show me what you are REALLY made of!

So the last few months I have been wandering around the area, trying to "find" myself...re-assert the true me into my life...the me that has been lost over the years of struggling to survive as a single mother.  Reconnecting with my soul, my inspiration, my drive...
I have visited old haunts, fantastic forests, exploring nature...greeting people, seeing old friends...
It has been great!  I have my art studio almost set up for me to get lost in.  Now we will see if my inspiration can translate into beautiful art after being unused for so long!

my day started out as always, with me waking up...that is a good thing.  But today, I just wanted to really stay in bed.  It is one of those days where you just want to be numb to the world, and wallow in self pity.  It's a terrible thing to do, but sometimes, it is just too damn hard being upbeat and happy for the world.  Of course I didn't do it, had to get ready for work.  Held it all together.  Moved past my feelings of lonliness and greeted the world with a smile.  You get what you give right?  So I will give the world my smile, and maybe it will fill me with the happiness I deserve...what dribble!!

Changes are going to be made in the near future.  Changes that will hopefully adjust my outlook on life, and my place in it.

Damn, I sound depressed don't I....

Is this my mid-life crisis?  LOL...  I need to buy myself a motorcycle then!!  (not a sports car! :P )  and find myself a young stud!!

Another night sitting here at my computer, knowing I should be sleeping, but unable to do so.  Don't get me wrong, I do try...crawl into bed...lights out...soft tranquil music playing...then nothing!  Bah!!  If only we didn't have to sleep.  Someone Knock me out!!

Online journals eh...where I can hang out all my dirty little secrets for anyone to read!!?  How exciting...lol.  What could I possibly say...

Nothing?
Everything?

well let's see it is 12:18 am and I am not yet asleep, I am tired but restless...so I am sitting at my computer playing Literati on yahoo!  I have the day off from work tomorrow, but then again it won't turn out as a day off, it usually doesn't, I have laundry to do, kids to feed, housework, etc. etc.  I miss the days where I could just go roaming around town or hike and not have to think about when I have to get home...

I need a vacation from the rat race...lol but who doesn't!

The warm weather is coming and I am excited!!  I am having my first Garage Sale of the year this Saturday!!  Yeah...time to pass off my junk onto other unsuspecting people who might think of it as a treasure...lol

Guess i should head to bed....but maybe I will have one more game of Literati..........